i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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