I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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