go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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