They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
