I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
