i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
