In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
