ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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