he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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