Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
