It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
