Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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