Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!š
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
