i just wanna soil my oats bro
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
