It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
