I faked an abortion last night.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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