Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
