I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
