she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
