This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
