Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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