you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
