i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
