yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
