Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
