i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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