period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
