twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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