Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
