just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
