capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
