ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
