I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
