she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
