she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
