I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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