Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
