he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
