Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
