I am puke
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
