It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
