Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
