tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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