So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
