its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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