I'm sorry my penis didn't work
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
