Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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