This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
