i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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