"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
