I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
