happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
