I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
