Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you never un-have a 4some
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
