Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
