Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
