I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
