She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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